Posted by: ilanasmith | October 13, 2006

Ten Things I Hate About Everything

At an off-site recently, over a boxed lunch, Charles and I had a conversation about whether me hating something as innocuous as lettuce shows that I’m petty or that I have boundless wells of hate.  I don’t like the idea of being petty, so off the top of my head:
  1. Using gender as an excuse for a decision.  Especially "Well, I’m a guy, so…"
    Fuck you.  It’s not an excuse.  We make decisions with the top-most organ.  Sack up and take ownership for your own shitty choices.  I hate this one so much I almost hate Chris Thile for using it in a song.  And I love Chris Thile and everything he does.
  2. Knee boots that don’t go all the way to the knee
    I mean, what the fuck.  They’re not Somewhere-Between-Mid-Calf-and-Knee boots. They’re fucking knee boots.  It’s clear where they’re supposed to stop.  This jacks me off so much I’m just skipping this whole thing and proceeding directly to over-the-knee boots.  Which mostly hit mid-knee.  Which I’m also pissed about.
  3. The whole encore farce
    The band leaves the stage with some of their biggest hits unplayed, the house lights don’t go on.  We know we’re going to cheer and stomp until they come back on, play two more songs and really finish.  Do we really have to go through the whole pretense?  It’s absurd to the point of insulting.  (Incidentally, I also hate routine standing ovations.  Seattle is such a slut for the standing O; it’s practically matter of course around here.  An extraordinary act earns my feet.  In five years, that’s been Henry Rollins, the touring company of Wicked and Nick in La Bete.)
  4. The perf on the system tray volume control
    It’s a crappy little slider bar, yet it always takes a few seconds to load.  Why?  I work on perf and let me tell you: whoever decided this was in-goal was wrong.
  5. Pro-Life and Abstinence-Only groups in all their various permutations
    In their mis-guided attempts to prevent people from having sex for fun, they’re wrecking lives and killing people through misinformation and irresponsibility.  Believe what you like.  Just don’t force it on others or legislate it.  And especially don’t use it to warp kids.
  6. Norah Jones
    I tried to like her. But she sounds like Christmas music.  Coldplay can shut up too.
  7. While I’m at it, George Bush
  8. Furry clothes
    Suede, mostly.  Nubuck, too.  Velvet sometimes.
  9. Crowds
    Strangers in small numbers are suspect.  In large numbers, doing things like encroaching on my personal space, being loud and getting in my way?  Not happy, Jan.
  10. Lettuce
    It’s pointless filler.  It’s the award show presenter patter of salad.


  1. Agree with you except for #9. I love plush clothes.

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